Summers Fade

“It was clear that if you weren’t careful, another summer would slip through the net, trailing wasted time, mortgage payments, and any number of things you might have saved.”

-Thomas McGuane, The Longest Silence

Seasonal change is gradual, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. In late August, seemingly overnight, morning heat and light is replaced with cool air and darkness.

Summer is fading and I’m faced with another school year. And with that, comes the familiar mix of thoughts and emotions. Good ‘ol self-doubt and anxiety. Along with reflections about whether or not I made the most of these last two months. And will I be able to carry my goals into the year? Or will they get overwhelmed and swallowed up? These thoughts push through my skull like a blown out river. Dirty and mostly unhelpful, mixed with picked up debris, both natural and man-made.

But every swollen river has a riverbed. An earned track that lies beneath this periodic tumult. It’s been earned. Cut into the planet and my world over time. Standing in the cool darkness, I feel the river dropping. It’s clearing and moving back inside its banks. The familiar new year excitement returns. My heart admits that I’m due for routine, progression, and good work. I can do this. I have done this.

After all, Tom McGuane also wrote, “Good anglers should lead useful lives, and useful lives are marked by struggle, and difficulty, and even pain.” I feel useful as a teacher. I get to use my modest gifts for good.

…we’ll see summer come again.

Sometimes 2 fly rigs produce 2 fish. This was a first for me, a smallmouth bass doubleheader.